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The Yusus Tavoli Show (Sweet Sow)
"The Yusus Tavoli Show" is the fourth and last episode of the second series of Sweet Sow, and the eighth overall. Recap After winning a decillion dollars at a beauty pageant, Mummy Pig and her daughter Peppa visit Spilled, Krockia, and stay at the Vívíví. They have a good time until they are captured by Anwale Looges and are forced to star in the reboot of The Yusus Tavoli Show. Script (The episode starts with the scene of the Vívíví from "The Hitchhiker Who Came to Dinner," except it is longer.) Voice: Vívíví. (Mummy Pig and Peppa walk into the building, but they meet a guard who works there.) Guard: (in Krockian) Please do not bring any children, as they are banned from here. Mummy Pig: You’re kidding. Guard: Nei. Mummy Pig: I am Barney the Dinosaur in disguise and you’re Elmo. Right? Guard: Letze. (The guard morphs into the floating head of John Wayne Gacy.) Dan: Can you please be quiet. I’m trying to watch Franny's Feet. Peppa: (offscreen; in Daddy Pig's voice) Shut the fuck up. You’re a creepy pedo. Dan: WAAH! (disappears) Guard: Prepare to d- (Lightning strikes on the guard, and Marvey flies down.) Marvey: Marvey Harvey, Harvey Marvey. My dear children... Hitchhiker: I am not your child. Marvey: Son, you shall sleep. Dan: I love my feet. Marvey: Sleep. Dan: I can’t. Marvey: Ignacio... Dan: Seriously? (Dan gets frozen into ice.) Peppa: Mummy, I just found out that there’s going to be a Sweet Sow spin-off. Robert Raccoon: (offscreen) Me? Howdy: Of course. Robert Raccoon: (offscreen) Proof? (Howdy responds by having his head morphed into Anita Sarkeesian.) Anita Sarkeesian's Head: (floating away) ...or suicide. It is considered illiterate. Peppa: Who is that Anwale guy anyway? Mummy Pig: He's an extraterrestrial human being who- Voice: Sweet Sow has been banned in the Island of Soda. Toby: I AM NOT A FUCKING MONKEY! NOW STOP CALLING ME A MONKEY! Marvey: (talking to Toby) Ignacio, my dearest son... (For some reason, Toby can no longer speak.) Voice: Who is this? Marvey: What? Voice: Rolf Harris is Toby’s waifu. Marvey: Oh no. My dearest Ignacio has escaped the means of reality, and has become surreal. Hitchhiker: I want a major role in this episode, unlike the previous two. Marvey: (to the hitchhiker) Come to me. Hitchhiker: No thanks! Marvey: Come. Anwale Looges: Is Mummy Pig here? Mummy Pig: Of course. What do you want? Anwale Looges: Please feature on The Yusus Tavoli Show or else... Mummy Pig: (says something that sounds like either "Bullshit!" or "Bullfuck!") Anwale Looges: Alright. If you wanna get captured by me. Mummy Pig: Oh, hell naw! Peppa: You have to capture me, if you want to capture mummy. Anwale Looges: You too, Peppa. Peppa: Capture Dan Schneider instead. He deserves it. Anwale Looges: Nope. Just you and your mother. Hitchhiker: Capture me! Anwale Looges: Sure. (Dan Schneider, who is now unfrozen, appears.) Dan: Please capture me, too! Anwale Looges: Yes, Dan. That's enough people for now. Marvey: Ignacio, you shall hearsay me the name of the record player. Voice: I'm afraid I have some bad news, Marvey. (pause) He's dead. (Marvey gets on his knees.) Marvey: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Peppa: Who? Hitchhiker: He’s dead, Jim. Peppa: My name's not Jim, dumbass! Hitchhiker: Sorry. I’m extremely drunk. Mummy Pig: Who died? Marvey: Ignacio, my dearest son and helper. He was in a state of surrealism, and he ended up meeting death. Forever will he be inside of my (burps). Dan: Hey buddy, when are we gonna get captured? Anwale Looges: (in Toby's voice) Yup, but it's a little bit broken. Dan: Please do it, anywa- (Dan is frozen again.) Marvey: (talking to Anwale) Ignacio! I missed you. Anwale Looges: (in Toby's voice) Sorry I was busy. Yup, I have girlfriend. Marvey: You must freeze all of your servants, to make the capturing more appealing for them. Anwale Looges: (in Toby's voice) You are furry, right? Marvey: Words of wisdom, though freeze Peppa and her mother. Anwale Looges: (in Toby's voice) uh... no Marvey: Please give us Dan Schneider's feet. (Anwale burps, causing Toby's spirit to fly out of him.) Anwale Looges: Excuse me Marvey, but what were you talking about? Marvey: Give us Dan Schneider’s gigantic feet. Anwale Looges: How though? Marvey: Victorious. Anwale Looges: Hmm... (We see an x-ray view of Anwale's head, and his brain expands to an unusually large size.) Anwale Looges: Alright, I'll try. Marvey: Love Dan Schneider’s Feet or you shall- Anwale Looges: I don't have a foot fetish, Marvey. I don't. Marvey: Do it, or- Toby: Sorry I was busy D: Voice: Okay, I lied. He's actually alive. Toby: Dan Schneider is a fucking monkey! Marvey: Sleep, Ignacio. Toby: Is he a monkey? Answer me. Marvey: Sleep, and you shall fall into your true spirit. Toby: Am I a monkey? Marvey: Sleep. Toby: Ee-ay. (falls on the ground and starts sleeping) Marvey: There, there, my son. (A music video, "She's Mine" by Reale Accademia, starts to float behind Marvey.) Marvey: Lights, please. (The music video disappears. Everything goes pitch black, and a light shines on Marvey.) Marvey: Ignacio, my dearest son. You shall hearsay me, the name of the record player. Toby: (offscreen) I don't have it with me right now, it's in my old house, I will go for it in a few months. Marvey: If just so speaking. (pause) What are your kinks? Toby: (offscreen) Kinks? (Emily Elephant appears, as light shines on her.) Emily Elephant: Is this the real life or is this just fantasy? Marvey: Real life, my daughter. It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends. Emily Elephant: WAAAAAH.... OAE BULLIED ME AGAIN! Marvey: Lo and behold, my daughter. (Marvey closes his hands, causing Emily to vanish.) Marvey: Positive, Ignacio. Toby: (offscreen) I mean, what is it? (Marvey says something, but he is mute.) Toby: (offscreen) Oh, well, hmmm, furry fetishes? Marvey: Any else? (The light stops shining.) Mummy Pig: Just go inside the damn building already. (Mummy Pig and Peppa are teleported inside the Vívíví.) Peppa: I wanna be like Jake Pig. Mummy Pig: He's a dumbass, so no. Peppa: No. Huh, huh! Mummy Pig: Keep up acting like Jake, and you're grounded. Do you understand, miss? (Peppa transforms into Jake Pig.) Jake Pig: It's all day braugh! With that Kidz Bop beat! Mummy Pig: That does it! Jake Pig: Russia is a city! (Mummy Pig talks very fast in a deep voice while decomposing.) Jake Pig: I'm the best content creator out there. (Mummy Pig morphs into Wagucorn.) Wagucorn: Fuck off! (Jake Pig inhales deeply.) Jake Pig: BACON! (Jake's head gets severed. Wagucorn morphs back into Mummy Pig.) Jake Pig: Braugh. Mummy Pig: Oh fuck, he's not dead yet. But if not, press cash. (Jake transforms back into Peppa.) Peppa: I love Jake Pig. He's my role model. Mummy Pig: Stop liking him, or else... Peppa: Stop disrespecting my opinion. Mummy Pig: Don't touch me. Peppa: Aren’t you a sex offender, though? Mummy Pig: I'll fucking kill you if you say that I'm a sex offender one more time. Bill Cosby: (offscreen) Hey, hey, hey! Mummy Pig: Nonce. (They walk up to a drunk receptionist.) Mummy Pig: We would like a mega deluxe hotel room, please. Recptionist: Yahudi. Mummy Pig: Excuse me? Recptionist: Ja, doolie. Mummy Pig: I’m not a sex offender. By the way, get me mega deluxe hotel room, or else... William: (offscreen) I hate Sweet Sow and you ARE a sex offen- (Mummy Pig shoots William using her eyes.) Mummy Pig: For the last bloody time, I am not a sex offender! Dan: (offscreen) iCarly's feet! Marvey: (offscreen) Ignacio... Dan: (offscreen) Oh, don't tell me you're gonna- (becomes frozen) Geckel Homus: (offscreen) Sweet Sow is cancelled. Mummy Pig: What the hell? I thought you were gone for good. Geckel Homus: If Dan Schneider doesn’t become a main character in ten seconds, then Sweet Sow will be cancelled. Mummy Pig: Please, would you kindly fuck off. Geckel Homus: Dan Schneider will be a main character in Se- (Geckel gets shot by Mummy Pig's eyes.) Mummy Pig: This is shit. Marvey: Ignacio. Toby: That's your name? Marvey: Shan't be not, my son. Toby: Am I a monkey? Marvey: No. Mummy Pig: Stop fucking around and let me get my goddamn hotel room, or else I'm having a breakdown. Ninth Doctor: (offscreen) Fantastic! Mummy Pig: Fuck this shit. FUC- (head explodes) Ninth Doctor: It could’ve been worse. Receptionist: Yahudi. Peppa: I do not speak Italian. Receptionist: Ja, ja. Peppa: Well fuck Jar Jar Binks. He's the worst Star Wars character in the entire franchise. Voice: (distorted) SEX- Peppa: By the way, please give me a mega deluxe hotel room. Receptionist: (in Freddy Krueger's voice) It’s time to meet your worst nightmare, bitch! Peppa: Oh shit! (The receptionist transforms into Freddy Krueger.) Freddy Krueger: Welcome to your death, bitch! Voice: Nope. Freddy Krueger: Dan Schneider is to be frozen on- (Freddy Krueger's head gets chopped off.) Chris-Chan: Hello everybody, this is Christine Chandler coming to you live from home once again. Emily Elephant: You’re one of those people who say they’re trying to be nice to me like that Mac dude. I HATE YOU CHRISTINE CHAN- Voice: Emily's life is an illusion, and has always been. Emily Elephant: Oh really? (Emily fades away into the digital universe.) Elvis Pretzel: Meu nome é Elvis. Mummy Pig: (offscreen) Oh yeah? I think you should- Elvis Pretzel: Eu não falo Inglês. (Elvis Pretzel transforms into Marvey.) Marvey: Everyone, sleep... Mummy Pig: Fuck you Marvey. Marvey: Shillé, daughter, and sleep... Mummy Pig: You’re not the boss of me. Marvey: Sleep. (The blue gas flows from Marvey's hands and into everyone.) Mayor Bluster: Dab Schneider. Dan: Before Marvey freezes me one more time, there is something important and epic I've gotta do. (Dab Schneider dabs epicly, and he turns into ice.) Mayor Bluster: No. Dan must produce an iCarly reboot starring him. Marvey: Shall too late, son. Mayor Bluster: Well fuck you Marvey. At least this episode doesn’t contain Jimmy Savile. Voice: Horrid- Jimmy Savile: (offscreen) Well then, well then. Mayor Bluster: Oh fuck! Jimmy Savile: I will fix you and Marvey. Marvey: Jimmy. Mayor Bluster: I will kill Majira. Marvey: My sons, you shall sleep. Mayor Bluster: Alright. (The blue gas flows from Marvey's hands, and makes them sleepy.) Marvey: Goodnight sweet princes. Mason: Shut yo chet up! I will fucking kill you and your mother, plus I’ll- Marvey: Sleep, my good son. Mason: Fuck you! Marvey: Ignacio... Mason: Incognito is for porn. (Mason gets frozen by Marvey, and is teleported next to Dab Schneider.) Marvey: Ignacio, ignetiate the ice. Voice: He's dead, remember what I told you? (Marvey gets on his knees.) Marvey: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Mummy Pig: Fuck Vampirina. (Mummy Pig transforms into Toby.) Toby: Am I a monkey? Marvey: Yes, my dear son. Toby: SICK OF THIS SHIT!! (Marvey laughs at Toby in a strange, echoey voice.) Geckel Homus: (offscreen) Stop right there, Marvey. If Mummy Pig does not buy the hotel room in three minutes, Sweet Sow will be canceled. Mummy Pig: Please fuck off. Geckel Homus: (offscreen) You know what? Fu- Twelfth Doctor: -ck you. Mummy Pig: Oh shit! I hope the Bitches Broadcasting Corporation doesn’t sue Sweet Sow for using Doctor Who. (Suddenly, two men wearing black appear.) Man: We're here to sue you. Mummy Pig: Oh, hell naw! (The two men morph into Jimmy Savile.) Jimmy Savile: Now then, now then. I’m having a fix with the Sontarans. Task Jovenia: What's up with Jimmy Savile appearing in every single episode of Sweet Sow? This scene is dragon boobs. Sixth Doctor: It’s monstrous, it’s revolting! Task Jovenia: Doctor Who is dragon tits. Tenth Doctor: I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Fancy Nancy: Allons-y! That’s French for- Geckel Homus: (offscreen) Horrid heart and- Task Jovenia: Fancy Nancy is dragon tits. Random voice: (offscreen) Ooolala. You're from- Peppa: Hey mummy, remember when Clara- Geckel Homus: (offscreen) Sweet Sow will be canceled if Mum- Marvey: Sleep, all of my childre- Neighbor Aber: Howdy! I’m Chuck Aber an- Timothy Stanton: I can't see yiff if I'm under eight- Some f**: Oofer gang oofer gang oofer gang- Lady Elaine: Now listen here toots, if you wanna randomly cut off my sentence, then fu- Task Jovenia: Mr. Rogers' is dragon tits. Pippi Longstocking: You are the biggest Mister Rogers'- Task Jovenia: Pippi Longstocking is dragon tits. Voice: Bestiality is illegal in Olimu. Task Jovenia: I dragon don't give a shit, let's groove. (They all start dancing.) Allons-y! That’s French for Horrid heart and Fancy Nancy is dragon tits Ooolala, you're from Hey mummy, remember when Clara- Sweet Sow will- (Suddenly, the episode is interrupted by the classic Seven Network ident.) Geckel Homus: (singing) Horrid heart and graphic high. How divine- Barney: (singing) I love you, you lo- Geckel Homus: (singing) Horrid heart and graphic- (Task and his "gang" enter the ident.) Task Jovenia: Who in the fuck do you think you are trying to end this show? Geckel Homus: One of the writers managed to slip in a cringeworthy moment in which you dance with the other characters. Task Jovenia: Rainbow Six Seige? Geckel Homus: Mummy Pig. If you really want your show back, you must buy the hotel room within a period of one minute. Otherwise, Sweet Sow is canceled for good and you will be fined $200,000. Mummy Pig: By accessing a wormhole, duh! Tenth Doctor: I don’t want to go. Lady Elaine: Listen here toots. You will go, you will go to The Neighborhood of Make-Believe. Task Jovenia: Nope! You're just a genwunner. (Mummy Pig, Peppa, and Task teleport near the door leading to their mega deluxe hotel room.) Mummy Pig: (in Marvey's voice) Dear child, have I ever told you about that time when Fred Phelps protested Grandpa Pig's funeral? Peppa: I don't remembe- Geckel Homus: (offscreen) You have 10 seconds to go inside. Voice: (offscreen) Sweet Sow is filmed on videotape in front of an audience. Geckel Homus: (offscreen) Five, four, three... Peppa: Fuck you! Geckel Homus: (offscreen) I don't care. Go inside the hotel room, or else you will be executed. Fred Phelps: Hello Mummy Pig! I’m the ghost of Fred Phelps and I just wanna know if you were in the military and are you gay? (Mummy Pig ignores Fred Phelps and goes inside the mega deluxe hotel room with Peppa. It consists of 10 beds and a large TV set.) Mummy Pig: This is the most magnificent room I- Dan: (offscreen) LEAVE IT ALL TO FEET! ONE STEP AT A TIME! I'M DANNY! WHERE WILL MY FEET TAKE IT TODAY! Mummy Pig: You’re suppose to stay frozen. Marvey: Take him to me, for I must talk to Robert Raccoon. Mummy Pig: I hope Marvey goes to hell and never comes back again. Marvey: Sleep, my daughter. Mummy Pig: I have no parents. Marvey: Sleep. Feel your true spirit. Mummy Pig: What's happening to me? (Mummy Pig transforms into Peter from Giovanni Below the Five.) Peter: Hello, Giacomo. Marvey: Peter. You must bring to me the frozen remains of Dan Schneider and Mason, for I shall meet Robert Raccoon. Peter: What about their feet? Marvey: Robert shall love them as a favor for me. Hitchhiker: (offscreen) How about I do it? Marvey: No, as you sir are played by an abandoned electronic theater guy. Hitchhiker: (offscreen) Bullshit! Marvey: Is your name Lucas Cruikshank? Hitchhiker: (offscreen) Nope, it's Fred Figglehorn. Marvey: That’s the guy who plays you. Hitchhiker: (offscreen) How did you know? Marvey: Sweet child, I know everything. (Toby comes with the frozen remains of Dan and Mason.) Toby: Here you go, Marvey. Marvey: Is my dear child, Elvis Aaron Presley still alive? If he is then bring his feet to me. Toby: Nope, sorry. (Robert Raccoon appears.) Robert Raccoon: Wrong. Elvis faked his death and is still alive. I have evidence. Marvey: NO... Elvis Presley: Return to sender... Robert Raccoon: Told you, Marvey. Marvey: Robert, I... Robert Raccoon: Forgive me, my lovely father. Marvey: You, my soulmate, are. Robert Raccoon: Let’s watch The Yusus Tavoli Show. Marvey: Not right now. Anwale Looges: (offscreen) You can watch it in here. Marvey: Go to sleep, Anwale... Anwale Looges: (offscreen) It's too early to be falling asleep. Marvey: Never, my son. Anwale Looges: (offscreen) You are not my father. Marvey: You shall give in then. Anwale Looges: Why don’t you ever speak normally and not that Shakespearean mumbo jumbo? Marvey: Twas I, Marvey Harvey, born the way I've always been. Anwale Looges: You’re lying! Marvey: Anwale, you must sleep. Voice: Marvey will be killed off in the third series premiere. Hitchhiker: (offscreen) Good. Marvey: NO. Peppa: Stop getting off-topic. Robert Raccoon: I don't care. Marvey is my boyfriend. Peppa: I hate you! Robert Raccoon: WAH! Marvey: Environgate, my dear Robert. Voice: (offscreen) Make more anti Sweet Sow propaganda. Mummy Pig: How about we change this into a different suite instead. Peppa: I just wanna go home. Mummy Pig: I'm sorry, but we're staying here for a week. Peppa: I love Jimmy Savile, bitch! Mummy Pig: Wasn't he a child abuser, though? Peppa: Aren’t you a child abuser? Mummy Pig: Aren't you one, though? Peppa: No, but you are. Robert Raccoon: I'm one too. Police officer: Ahem! You three are all under arrest for child abuse! Marvey: (talking to the police officer) It's difficult for me to be truthful, son. Police officer: Fuck off! I’m trying to arrest these three criminals. Marvey: Shillé, dear son. In the case of dishonesty, I am a child abuser. Police officer: Well in that case, you’re also going to jail. (The entire hotel room transforms into a different one, causing both Peppa and the police officer to vanish. Robert, Marvey, and the frozen remains of Dan and Mason fly to the ceiling.) Mummy Pig: That's what you deserve for trying to arrest us. Terrible TV Shows Wiki: (offscreen) Please stop insulting me or I’ll make a page about Sweet Sow. Mummy Pig: You should be- Terrible TV Shows Wiki: You are an abusive mother. Mummy Pig: How am I abusive? Terrible TV Shows Wiki: You just are. Mummy Pig: I don't give a shit, and where on Earth is my daughter? Peppa: (offscreen) I hate you mummy! Mummy Pig: I swear to God, if somebody says "I hate you" one more time... Marvey: Pamela, my daughter. Mummy Pig: Fuck off! Marvey: Shillé, my daughter. Mummy Pig: Another chills gone by. Robert Raccoon: Hey, Marvey. Marvey: Son, I must command you importantly. Robert Raccoon: Uh, sure. Marvey: (smiles) You must. Robert Raccoon: What should I do? Marvey: Love Dan Schneider's feet within the ice. Robert Raccoon: Nope. Marvey: You must do what I told you, or else you shall be iced in the name of Ignacio. Robert Raccoon: I'm breaking up with you. Category:Sweet Sow episodes Category:Fanon